The final doll conversation

Me: Hello?

Pike: Arthur! Pike!

Me: Hi.

Pike: Hey! What’s this about you being attacked by a doll?

Me: I’m not really under attack. It’s just stuck on my leg and I’m going to Ingrid’s to get rid of it.

Pike: You’ve gotta let me record you before that happens, my man!

Me: It’s a doll on my leg. It should be pretty easy to re-create.

Pike: It actually does stuff, though, right?

Me: That’s true. It does hiss at me and move its head around.

Pike: Exactly! Don’t do anything before I get there!

The doll didn’t try any new tricks during the car ride. When Pastor Jill and I arrived at Ingrid’s home, both Ingrid and Spindle were there. Ingrid was carrying some bolt cutters and she prodded the doll. “Let’s see how you like these, missy!” Spindle, meanwhile, informed us that he thought he could make the doll release me without destroying it. He asked if I wanted him to try to switch the doll’s allegiance to me and I told him I would pass.

We went to Ingrid’s backyard, where she told me to sit on the edge of a picnic table. At this point Pike had arrived and asked one of us to provoke the doll so he could get a shot of it hissing. He looked around the backyard and through the open door of a shed. “Ingrid! Use that welding torch on it!” Pastor Jill and I were able to argue him down to an electric mixer Ingrid retrieved from the kitchen, which caused the doll to growl when it got close. The doll shot out its arm and grabbed one of the mixer blades.

Spindle’s first try at getting rid of the doll was successful. He poured some granular substance in the doll’s mouth, said some words I couldn’t hear, and the doll dropped to the ground. The substance, Spindle informed us, was salt, obtained from the sea of somewhere and purified by the ritual of something, I forgot the names before we had left. Ingrid said she had some salt obtained from the shelf of Econo Foods and purified by the ritual of Morton, in case Spindle ever needed to borrow some.

Spindle asked me if I wanted to keep the doll. I said I’d rather that he locked it up somewhere and he agreed to do that, so I don’t expect to see that thing again.

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The third doll conversation

Me: Hello?

Ingrid: Hey, it’s Ingrid.

Me: Hi.

Ingrid: So, sounds like you’re stuck behind an abandoned house with some kind of devil doll attached to your leg.

Me: Actually I’m…oh, wait, that’s exactly what I’m doing.

Ingrid: [chortling]

Me: So, are you going to be around? I thought you or Spindle could help get rid of this.

Ingrid: Yeah, I’ve got some ideas. Most of them involve you keeping your leg.

At this point Leticia arrived. She was wearing large sunglasses, a gardening hat, and a shirt she told me she ordered from Threadless. She stroked the doll’s head and asked it to let go but it only hissed at her, which made Leticia giggle. I heard a car door close and saw someone approach.

“Are you expecting someone else?” asked Leticia. I told her it was probably Pastor Jill. “Oh,” said Leticia. “Is she OK with…you know.” She smiled widely, exposing her fangs. I told her I hadn’t really asked. “Well, I should probably just go,” said Leticia. “It might get awkward.”

Pastor Jill greeted me and looked at the doll. I think she may have been a little amused as well. She looked closely at the doll’s forehead and tried to look in its mouth. She asked who had just left and I told her. “Leticia…she’s the vampire you write about?” “Yeah, that’s…that’s kind of where she’s at, yeah.” I couldn’t read her reaction.

Pastor Jill carried the same satchel she had the last time I saw her, and withdrew a small silver crucifix from it. She placed it on the doll’s forehead and said some Latin words. The doll batted the crucifix away but regained its hold on me before I could take advantage. Pastor Jill placed the crucifix on the doll again but this time the doll just jerked its head around.

“Well,” said Pastor Jill, “that trip to Ingrid’s is probably in order.”

The second doll conversation

Continuing where the last post left off…

Leticia: Hello?

Me: Oh, hi. I didn’t think you’d be up.

Leticia: Yeah, I’m kind of an early riser.

Me: OK. Well, I’m in sort of a weird situation and thought you might want to know about it.

Leticia: You’re going to post about it, right?

Me: Yeah.

Leticia: Awesome!

Me: So, do you know anything about dolls that come to life and attack people?

Leticia: Whoa. Not ringing any bells. Is that what’s going on? You’re under attack by dolls?

Me: It’s just one. And it’s not really attacking. It’s just kind of clinging to my leg.

Leticia: Aww! Cute!

Me: Whatever. I just want to get rid of it.

Leticia: Fine. Do you have any salt handy? A lot of nasties don’t like that.

Me: No.

Leticia: Well, that’s all I got, sorry.

Me: That’s all right. I was going to see if someone could give me a ride to see Ingrid or Spindle.

Leticia: Oh! Totally! Hey, where are you? I’d like to see this thing before you take off.

I told Leticia where I was. Next, I called Pastor Jill at the church office. She offered to come by and, if she couldn’t help me get rid of the doll, take me to Ingrid’s.

The first doll conversation

About a week ago I decided I wanted to get a look at the house where Eilert Brand lived. Not because I was driven by any strong compulsion, but because I thought it may be useful to know the location in case I had to make an investigation in the future. A friend of my mom’s knew where it was: it’s a house I’ve noticed before.

Brand house

I walked over there late one overcast afternoon, planning to stay on the outside. Shortly after I took the photo above, I heard a tapping sound from the direction of the house. I moved closer and was able to determine that the sound came from one of the boarded-up windows. Continuing to approach the house, I saw a corner of one of the boards pushing out. Then a chunk of the board splintered away and something fell to the ground. The object that fell rose on its own.

doll

I stayed still and looked at the doll after I took the photo, the “Dancing Calcobrena” song from Final Fantasy II playing in my head. I figured I should consult with someone about what to do next and the first person I thought of was Miriam. I didn’t have her number but I had Ella’s, so I decided to see if she was at the store.

The doll meanwhile, had some plans for me. I took my eyes off it for a few seconds, and when I next looked at it was only a couple of feet away. I started to back away and the doll leapt at me. It landed on my leg, right below my knee, where it clung. I struck at the doll but it didn’t move. I knocked it against one of the trees and that didn’t do anything either. I called Ella.

Ella: Miriam? No, she’s away for a few days.

Me: Oh. I kind of needed her advice about something.

Ella: What about?

Me: Well, I’m outside Brand’s house and…

Ella: You’re where?

Me: Outside Brand’s house.

Ella: Alone?

Me: Yeah.

Ella: [a cross between a sigh and a growl]

Me: So anyway, there’s this animated doll that came out of the house and now it’s holding onto my leg.

Ella: You have a doll hugging your leg?

Me: Essentially.

Ella: Maybe it’s trying to be friendly.

[I looked at the doll, who tilted its head up and hissed at me.]

Me: Yeah, that’s a negative on the ‘friendly’ scenario, over.

Ella: Why do you say that?

Me: It just hissed at me.

Ella: Well, maybe that’s doll language for hello.

Me: You think this is funny don’t you?

Ella: A little, yes.

Me: Fine.

Ella: You’re welcome to bring your little friend to the store.

Me: I’d have to walk there and I’m not going downtown with a doll stuck to my leg.

I decided I would try to find someone to give me a ride to Ingrid’s home, since Ingrid probably had the physical means to separate me from the doll if I couldn’t find someone with the mystical means. Before that, though, I decided to call Leticia, who had recently chided me for my infrequent posts, to let her know that a new adventure would be forthcoming.

I stayed still and looked at the doll after I took the photo, the “Dancing Calcobrena” song from Final Fantasy II playing in my head. I figured I should consult with someone about what to do next and the first person I thought of was Miriam. I didn’t have her number but I had Ella’s, so I decided to see if she was at the store.

The doll meanwhile, had some plans for me. I took my eyes off it for a few seconds, and when I next looked at it was only a couple of feet away. I started to back away and the doll leapt at me. It landed on my leg, right below my knee, where it clung. I struck at the doll but it didn’t move. I knocked it against one of the trees and that didn’t do anything either. I called Ella.

Ella: Miriam? No, she’s away for a few days.

Me: Oh. I kind of needed her advice about something.

Ella: What about?

Me: Well, I’m outside Brand’s house and…

Ella: You’re where?

Me: Outside Brand’s house.

Ella: Alone?

Me: Yeah.

Ella: [a cross between a sigh and a growl]

Me: So anyway, there’s this animated doll that came out of the house and now it’s holding onto my leg.

Ella: You have a doll hugging your leg?

Me: Essentially.

Ella: Maybe it’s trying to be friendly.

[I looked at the doll, who tilted its head up and hissed at me.]

Me: Yeah, that’s a negative on the ‘friendly’ scenario, over.

Ella: Why do you say that?

Me: It just hissed at me.

Ella: Well, maybe that’s doll language for hello.

Me: You think this is funny don’t you?

Ella: A little, yes.

Me: Fine.

Ella: You’re welcome to bring your little friend to the store.

Me: I’d have to walk there and I’m not going downtown with a doll stuck to my leg.

I decided I would try to find someone to give me a ride to Ingrid’s home, since Ingrid probably had the physical means to separate me from the doll if I couldn’t find someone with the mystical means. Before that, though, I decided to call Leticia, who had recently chided me for my infrequent posts, to let her know that a new adventure would be forthcoming.